![]() ![]() Complaining that ignoring your bisexuality is detrimental to your shared goals.īut why would your friend's education be a problem when you also have intellectual interests? Why would you, being bisexual, denounce the modern uses of "queer" and "gay" in particular, when doing so is associated with homophobia?Īnd if that reference to your own sexuality contains a subtext, it is too deep for Miss Manners. Squabbling about words that now refer to homosexuality. And you have provided tantalizing clues: Connecting college attendance with objectionable traits. GENTLE READER: In the hope of interesting other Gentle Readers as well as of furthering her study of mankind, Miss Manners always examines surface etiquette problems for more widely applicable underlying issues. I have so far deduced that, for the sake of etiquette, I may only relish my books in isolation and refrain from expressing my own queer notions of gaiety in her presence. In my teens, I discovered I was bisexual, and her conveniently ignoring this fact neither helps our friendship nor the goals we both share. I'm terribly perplexed on how to behave around my friend. It now seems I'm only "allowed" to use them for the sole purpose of their modern upgrades. Upon rereading the Alice books, I find myself flinching at how often the words "queer" and "gaily" come up as a reminder that I may be robbed from using them in the manner Lewis Carroll and other writers have done. I have long been a lover of Victorian literature, foremost being the works of Oscar Wilde and Lewis Carroll, whilst writing fiction in such styles as a beloved hobby. She has a high regard for social justice, which I admire, but this has come to include co-opting word usage to the point of my distaste. We have been close for at least 10 years, but since she began attending college, I've found her friendship altering from very dear to quite demanding. Miss Manners advises you to cultivate the aura of someone who is so immersed in work - reading papers in the van pool, concentrating intensely in the office so that you have a blank look when interrupted as if you had not heard - that it is useless to attempt engaging you in what passes for conversation.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who is 12 years my junior. Funny thing - it turns out that a real exchange of ideas and opinions is possible only under the rule of etiquette. Instead of civil conversation, discussion and debate we have wholesale denunciations and personal insults. And those who are supposed to be dealing with these topics professionally aren't behaving much better. Miss Manners acknowledges that these accusations might have some validity if people knew how to express their opinions civilly and to listen to the thoughts of others with open minds.īut guess what, folks: In this society, most of the acrimony short of violence is over religion and/or politics, and it doesn't always stop short of violence. ![]() At best, it is thought to be a prissy and unnecessary restriction of adult conversation at worst, it is considered a repression of free speech and the democratic process. GENTLE READER: What happened to the etiquette rule banning casual social discussions of politics and religion is that it is roundly pooh-poohed and ignored. Miss Manners, please share your thoughts. The offenders are only perpetuating partisanship, polarizing their audience and making any positive changes impossible. ![]() There is plenty of room for criticism on all sides, and it is hard enough to get rational information about Washington's plans for us. Also, I do not appreciate receiving e-mails from this same faction that are almost always outright lies, distortions and half-truths. Do I speak up and cause acrimony in the van pool? Do I speak up and cause more acrimony and retribution at work? It puts people who are not in agreement in a no-win situation. It is interesting that they all share a common opinion that is simplistic and naive. There are people in my van pool and co-workers (some of whom are managers) who think that everyone benefits from hearing their political views. ![]()
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